Body Image

I think everyone has a moment in their blossoming that defines their body image. Mine wasn't a very positive one, but luckily I had intelligent parents who would not tolerate the trend amongst young women of starvation. During my teen years I was not fat by any stretch of the imagination, never the less my body image was wanting. I could always find flaws with myself and thought I was severely fat (even at a gaunt size 0).

I was thin until about my senior year in high school when I decided to stop being an idiot (using recreational drugs) and go on the Depo shot. The combination of the two caused me to gain about 50 lbs in a month. Despite the gain in weight I always refused to do anything that caused me to exert myself. Breaking a sweat was not for me. EVER. My weight fluctuated from that point on, I would pack on the pounds, loose a few, put a few more on ect.

It wasn't until I was visiting at Christmas 2009 with my Dads family and my then going senile grandfather was quite sure I was pregnant did I decide that maybe I should look at my lifestyle. About a 6 months later I had lost a modest 20 lbs and was feeling pretty good about myself. I had this diet thing on lock-down! BAM Victor made his first appearance in my life with a + on a stick, this time I was pregnant. No more diet and no more exercise. I don't know why decided to not exercise while pregnant, probably because I just wanted an excuse to be lazy and pregnancy was it. I had horrid problems with my hips starting at about 5-6 months and started doing physical therapy (water aerobics) 3 days a week to alleviate issues. Luckily this helped and I only gained about 40 lbs during my pregnancy. This was pretty good considering that some people gain 100lbs when they get pregnant, talk about over-indulging! 

Well those of you who follow know that the beginning of this year I really decided that I was going to weigh what I did before I got pregnant before my son was a year. Which I do! The best thing is not the number on the scale. The best thing is how my perception of myself has completely changed.

For the first time in my life, I am not ashamed, disgusted, or embarrassed when I look in the mirror!

Many people, women particularly, go their whole lives without experiencing this. I no longer see what I saw a mere three months ago. Part of this has to do with the amount of activity I have in my life. Let's face it endorphins make people happy. I don't know where the other part came from, maybe it is the fact that I don't watch television or subscribe to any mainstream media productions. I don't let others define my standard of beauty any more, and never will again. I don't see the negative things anymore.

When I look in the mirror I see a body that:

1. can run a mile and a half without stopping
2. hikes at least 10 miles a week carrying a baby on a pack
3. lifts weights 3-4 days a week
4. has a resting heart rate in the mid 60's
5. has a blood pressure of 103/50
6. is well nourished and hydrated

All of those things make me very happy with what I see.

I <3 me!